The Step

This was one of the first run in's with Degsy. The wrestling match took place in July 2009. Best of three falls or a submission to decide the winner.

I decided to fit a step to get into the back to motor. It is a big step up and I figure I will probably rupture myself if I try to cart a super of honey or trays of spuds into the back of the motor. I got the step from the suppliers a couple of weeks ago. The step has a bar with two holes that line up with the bolts of the tow hook. So all you have to do is undo the bolts holding on the hook, slip the step bracket up to the blots and nip it all up again. I knew this was going to be easier said than done. First I had to find a supplier of replacement bolts for the hook. The current bolts would be too short with the extra thickness of the step bracket. I also knew that I would probably wreck the bolts getting them out. I had put a spanner on the bolts during the week and could not move them. A trip out to Breedon to the caravan shop solved that problem. Just the right nuts and bolts for a couple of quid. I had guessed that the hook was held on by nuts and bolts. Some perverse hook fitter put the nuts on the inside of the hook bracket so you could get a good purchase on the nut. I dribbled on plenty of WD40 and 3 in 1 oil and had a go at loosening the nuts, no chance. About 40 minutes of oiling and cajoling managed to get the nuts to come free. This released the tow hook assembly. Now I had the threaded ends the bolts sticking out the bracket. More oil. I gave the studs an optimistic rap with the hammer. The blows resounded through Degsy like a drum. More oil. I got the sockets and spanners out to try to spin the bolt and work it out of the drop plate. The drop plate is the lump of plate steel that has the tow hook on one end the and is bolted to Degsy are the other end. No joy. More oil. I decided that if a cut the bolt heads off I might be able to drift out the bolt shaft. Aching arms, two hacksaw blades and several skinned knucles later the bolt head were on the floor. Because of the awkward location of the bolts some of the bolt head still on the bolt. A very bad scenario. I got the angle grinder out and went to town on the remaining metal. Laying on my back under Degsy, sparks shooting everywhere and dirt falling all over me from the underside of Degsy, oh and did I mention it was at least 27C. Lovely. Job done I packed away the grinder, no doubt to the relief of the neighbours. I rapped the bolts again but nothing. More oil and more hammering. Nothing, no movement at all. I the idea crept into my head that the bolt might actually be a screwed rod with nuts on both ends. So no amount of hammering would draw the "bolt". It was tea time, I was hungry and my patience was wearing thin.

H had dropped Miss L off to a party and was staying over. H and I had Tea and got the chiminia going in the back garden and lit loads of T-lights, opened a bottle of something red and just had a chat, sat by the pond as the night drew in. Then it came to me as I pondered. What I need is a big set of mole grips, better yet a set of 24" Stilsons [a type of adjustable wrench for round objects]. My Stilson went to good home along tome ago. It was too late in the day to anything about it. Tomorrow 10am at Massey's they will have the tool.

Massey's did have the very tool. I got a stud extractor as well in case the Stilson did not work. Back home by 10.30 so everyone in the street sound be up. If they weren't, they so would be. More oil on the bolt. I tackled the left bolt first as there was room to swing the wrench. The wrench just chewed up the threads and would not budge. Then I drilled a hole in the bolt end, inserted the extractor gave it an good turn and "ping" the tool snapped. Now I had a bolt with a tool steel core. Bugger. More oil and some Tea. About this time H went out to collect Miss L and reminded me that we had a BBQ to go to at 3pm. Double bugger. More oil. I set about the right bolt. Slowly but surely the bolt turned. Very slowly and making a terrible squealing noise. More oil and more turning. Then it just went loose and the bolt came out with a gentle pull with my fingers. It was a bolt just with 30 years of corrosion. Removing this bolt released some pressure on the spacer plate. More oil, tapping and oil and wiggling to get the spacer off. Still the left stud remained. At least I knew it was a smooth bolt shank and not a screwed rod. More oil and a brew. Whilst drinking my brew I pondered the bolt and idly whacked it with the hammer. This time the noise was different. I looked at the back of the drop plate and found that he bolt had moved, perhaps only a millimeter but it moved. More oil. I decided to take Degsy up the fields where I could give the bolt a good hiding without worrying about the noise I was going to make. I threw everything in the back of Degsy and set off for Willesley Woodside. I found a spot. More oil on the bolt and then gave the bolt half a dozen good blows. That was it, the studs moved quarter of an inch. More oil and then hammered from the other side of the plate. Another two more passes and the stud was getting really loose. Then I got the stud I had moved from right side hole and used it as a drift to finally remove the left stud completely. Job done. It had only taken four hours spread over two days!

When I got home it was a five minute to put the bolts through the tow hook, spacer and drop plate. Then offer up the step bracket to the rear of the drop plate and spin on the crimp washer and nut. Nip the nuts finger tight, check the step was level and nip the nuts up good and tight. I took the precaution of Copperslipping the bolt shafts so when I need to get the bolts out they should come away a lot easier. I had a tidy up and parked the cars by the time H got back. H could see I was properly pleased with myself. I had a few minutes to go over to Mo's and water the Toms. That done I got myself showered, shaved and dressed ready for the BBQ.